Psychoeducation · Trauma reactions
Attachment and danger in the same relationship
You can feel attached to someone and afraid of them at the same time.
Caring about someone who hurt you didn't make what they did okay.
What is it?
You may have wanted their comfort or closeness while also trying to protect yourself from them. Attachment and fear can exist at the same time.
How can it happen?
Attachment doesn't always go away when someone hurts you. Shared history, good memories, and hope for change may play a part. Threats and real-life circumstances may also have limited your choices.
Supportive words
I could care about them and still be harmed by them.
My attachment doesn't cancel out the abuse.
What it does not mean
Remaining attached does not make the abuse acceptable or mean the survivor “really wanted it”.
What it might feel like
“I love them, but I am afraid of them.” “I want comfort from the person who hurt me.”
Background and sources
A conflict that can be understood through attachment and trauma theories.
These sources relate to the topic. The explanation is independently edited educational content, not a clinically tested intervention.